Reflections of a Grey June

Well, today's the last day of June and I must say I'm not sorry to see it go.  I've been back home on the South Shore of Boston for nearly a month now and have had only 4 days of sun!!  And once again this morning it's misty and grey.

I don't mind misty and grey.  In fact, sometimes it's a welcomed relief from heat and sun.  You can curl up with a great book on a misty day and lose yourself in some historical novel or the latest best seller.  And a misty day is a perfect excuse to pull out my card making supplies and go crazy making cards.  Or sometimes I pull out the sewing machine and get to work on some project that "just has to be done" even though it's been sitting in the closet for months!  But enough is enough!!  Bring on the sun, please.

I think my mood today is a bit misty and grey too.  I've been watching my daughter and her husband rush hither and yon this summer.  She's doing her 2nd year summer associate job at a Boston law firm and he's traveling with his career.  Both are focused and seem to have endless energy.  I feel like a run down battery next to them!

I've reflected lately on my "career".  Or lack thereof.  It's like that line of most forms you fill out:  "Occupation".  It still irks me to write in "homemaker."  It's not that I'm ashamed of it.  It's just so nebulous.  Homemaker.  What is that?  

I did focus totally on making a home.  That's not easy.  How do you quantify it?  I never clocked in or out.  I wasn't salaried.  Never had a yearly evaluation.  I can just see that.  Facing my husband and kids.  "So, let's see.  What were your goals this past year?  Did you make your forecast?  I don't see any numbers here.  How can we determine your profit or loss?"  I've lived in so many apartments and houses I've lost count.  Actually, I haven't!  I've moved 13 times in 37 years.  I've lived in 4 apartments, 2 rented homes in England, and owned 6 homes.  

Hey, now that I see it in print I'm feeling pretty good about myself.  I made all these places a home for myself and my family.  I painted, papered, sewed window treatments, accessorized, cooked countless meals, cleaned, laundered and got the family rolling.  Add to that my working part time some of those years and full time during other years.

I can feel that mist burning off and the grey is lifting from my spirit.  I've had one great and successful career.  Now I just have to come up with a better term than "homemaker".  Domestic Designer?  Family Coach?   Any ideas?

A Day of Warmth

Saturday I spent the day with my sister, sister-in-law, daughter and niece on Nantucket.  My niece is there for two weeks taking an intensive oil painting class.  We took the high speed ferry down and had such a great day.  The sun came out, the air was sparkling, but most of all the five of us shared a day of the warmth deep friendship brings.

It was a "girls" day all the way.  We shopped, we ate, we strolled the streets.  Not sure if guys have days like this but I love them.  There's something about being with other women who share your values and interests that opens the heart.  I find that I can laugh at myself more easily within the embrace of friendship.  We share our souls with each other.  That's a blessing that heals so many hurts.

It was also a blessing because it was generational.  My daughter and niece see things differently than myself, my sister and sister-in-law.  Not in our values, but in the perception of life due to the stage they're in.   They are at the cusp of their futures, we are either in the midst of it all or exiting .  There is more behind us than ahead of us.  That has colored my thoughts a lot recently.  My daughter teases me that I'm "doom & gloom" or in my "when I'm dead and gone" phase and that may be so.  But to me it's a wealth of reflections and insights that I gladly welcome.  I expect to live a long life but part of living that life is embracing where I am in that journey.

So part of the joy of the day was watching that next generation share thoughts with each other. And to relish their ease and enjoyment of spending time with their mothers and aunts.  So many women I know do not have an easy relationship with their daughters.  And yet many others do.  What makes the difference?  What enables a woman to be able to be authentic with her daughter or niece?  I think for me it's acknowledging them as the full person they are right now and the wonderful potential I see in them.  To be interested in their dreams, their challenges, their life.  To treat them with respect and honor them as the wonderful individuals they are becoming. And to share with them who I am.  Not who I think a mother should be or an aunt should be, but as I am, warts and all.  That's why I can laugh at myself with them because they can call me on my idiosyncrasies.  Like my mouth moving whenever I listen to someone talk to me.  Or my inability to pronounce names correctly.  That's when I remind them that: "when I'm dead and gone you'll laugh about that and remember me."  It actually makes me feel valued.  At least they'll have memories of me!!

I was blessed to have some aunts and a step-grandmother who respected me and honored me as I grew into womanhood.  My Mom did in many ways as well.  They held me to a standard that sometimes chafed.  Yet they listened to me.  They offered their opinions to me.  They took the time to make me feel valued.  What a great gift.

So my wonderful day in Nantucket evoked lots of warm feelings.  Of belonging, of mattering, of sharing in the lives of four of the women of my life.  All the warmth that day was not of the sun.