A Day of Warmth

Saturday I spent the day with my sister, sister-in-law, daughter and niece on Nantucket.  My niece is there for two weeks taking an intensive oil painting class.  We took the high speed ferry down and had such a great day.  The sun came out, the air was sparkling, but most of all the five of us shared a day of the warmth deep friendship brings.

It was a "girls" day all the way.  We shopped, we ate, we strolled the streets.  Not sure if guys have days like this but I love them.  There's something about being with other women who share your values and interests that opens the heart.  I find that I can laugh at myself more easily within the embrace of friendship.  We share our souls with each other.  That's a blessing that heals so many hurts.

It was also a blessing because it was generational.  My daughter and niece see things differently than myself, my sister and sister-in-law.  Not in our values, but in the perception of life due to the stage they're in.   They are at the cusp of their futures, we are either in the midst of it all or exiting .  There is more behind us than ahead of us.  That has colored my thoughts a lot recently.  My daughter teases me that I'm "doom & gloom" or in my "when I'm dead and gone" phase and that may be so.  But to me it's a wealth of reflections and insights that I gladly welcome.  I expect to live a long life but part of living that life is embracing where I am in that journey.

So part of the joy of the day was watching that next generation share thoughts with each other. And to relish their ease and enjoyment of spending time with their mothers and aunts.  So many women I know do not have an easy relationship with their daughters.  And yet many others do.  What makes the difference?  What enables a woman to be able to be authentic with her daughter or niece?  I think for me it's acknowledging them as the full person they are right now and the wonderful potential I see in them.  To be interested in their dreams, their challenges, their life.  To treat them with respect and honor them as the wonderful individuals they are becoming. And to share with them who I am.  Not who I think a mother should be or an aunt should be, but as I am, warts and all.  That's why I can laugh at myself with them because they can call me on my idiosyncrasies.  Like my mouth moving whenever I listen to someone talk to me.  Or my inability to pronounce names correctly.  That's when I remind them that: "when I'm dead and gone you'll laugh about that and remember me."  It actually makes me feel valued.  At least they'll have memories of me!!

I was blessed to have some aunts and a step-grandmother who respected me and honored me as I grew into womanhood.  My Mom did in many ways as well.  They held me to a standard that sometimes chafed.  Yet they listened to me.  They offered their opinions to me.  They took the time to make me feel valued.  What a great gift.

So my wonderful day in Nantucket evoked lots of warm feelings.  Of belonging, of mattering, of sharing in the lives of four of the women of my life.  All the warmth that day was not of the sun.