As I listened to the weather radio bleat out its loud buzz, and I saw the dark clouds roll in I wondered what it was like for all near Golgotha as the sky darkened and thunder rolled as Jesus was crucified.
How nervous they must have been. No weather alerts to let them know it was a cold front rolling in on top of warm, moist air. Just the wrath of God as predicted. How emotionally exhausted some must have been. Especially his mother. I reflected on her today. She stood by and saw her worse fears realized. Her son led as a criminal to a hill and nailed to a cross to hang until he died. I can't imagine anything worse. How did she keep from wailing and rushing to throw herself upon his torturers? Could I witness my child's death and not rail against them?
My children are adults now but they are still my children. My flesh and blood. How to explain what lies in a mother's heart no matter how old her child? I have a son working relief work in Sudan and following his calling. My daughter is in law school in Chicago, hoping to go into school law and help those who need equal education as our laws state. Both have chosen areas that require self sacrifice. How did they come to these paths? What experiences in their childhood led them to go far from home to pursue a dream?
When I was young, I dreamt of going no farther than the next town from my parents. I saw myself teaching and living in a cape surrounded by a white picket fence covered in rambling roses. How romantic, right? Yet that was my dream.
I did teach but never got the town next to my parents, nor the picket fence. I ended up moving from my home state and living in 3 different states and 1 country overseas.
It helped mold me and offered lots of opportunities for me to discover myself that I may never had known if I stayed back "home."
So Mary watched her only child walk to his death in quiet certitude. Her heart had to have called out to her God to keep her strong. And don't we all do that? We find the ways to keep us centered and strong despite what life hands us.
Maybe Jesus's example of certitude and trust is what we need to hold onto most. That we are never truly alone. When you have faith in something it carries you through everything. Whatever that something may be. So I know, that despite distance my heart is always connected to my children's hearts and that as I feel their presence each day of my life, they feel mine and are strengthened by it.
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